Audacity.

The title of this post is one of my favorite words of the English lexicon. For those who know me fairly well, they will tell you I am very fond of saying "audacity" at the top of my lungs, usually with a large cup of coffee in my hand, in public, and with much passion behind it. I consider it a fairly powerful word. Typically I use it when describing something or someone that exasperates me to no end. But what really makes something "audacious"? What does something or someone have to do to truly get under one's skin, to go further than being just arrogant or nonsensical?

According to one of the best websites ever invented, dictionary.com, audacity means "shameless boldness". However, when I think of something "bold" I think of something or someone who pushes the limits of the conventional and typically for something intrinsically good or beneficial for themselves or others. For example, I would consider the work of Junot Diaz "bold" because it is defies conventions and it's intention is to shock the reader. Additionally, his purpose is to showcase literature that makes the reader think, that effectively evokes emotion either because of the completely blunt nature of his narrative or the honesty of his characters. I admit I am somewhat biased on this particular point. Read some of his work and then report back to me whether you agree or not.

No, audacity is not simply boldness. Audacity goes farther and is much more sinister. Being audacious is wanting to cause harm to another party for completely selfish gain and knowingly doing so. Being audacious requires cunning and a certain level of intelligence. It is done to fuel controversy, to inflict pain in some shape or form to someone else or a whole. For example, the CEOs of the companies that caused the financial downturn as of late are most certainly audacious; they gave their top executives millions of dollars in bonuses for unprecedented reasons and went on to ask the government for tax payers money to bail them out of bankruptcy. Unbelievable. On a smaller scale, people who intentionally manipulate others to do things for them and go on and insult the used for a crappy job can definitely be considered audacious. As for "things" being audacious, take for example the operating system Windows Vista or any recent Windows system for that matter. "New and improved"? Give me a freakin' break.

So yes those that are audacious are shameless but also morally reprehensible and downright despicable. There is no need to call out those people or things on being audacious because there is a very good chance they are conscious of their actions.

Still, for me it does not take away from the thrill I get for reiterating "The audacity!" on crowded sidewalks while those around me mistake me for another New York lunatic.

A small update.

I just made a few minor adjustments that may or may not require some explanation. A little change is always good right?

My title is now Musings on the A. I figured I spend more time on the A train than on the 5. Plus some inspiring stuff happens on that train.

And I changed my name to my initials. If you are completely awesome, you'll know what the R stands for.

Passion.

I am glad I decided to write another entry. Yes, it has been several months. I feel pretty disappointed in myself; I've felt uninspired and my writing has felt inadequate in general. I had a serious case of writer's block for the second half of last year. However, this changed when I felt a genuine desire to write, something I have not felt even as I was writing about topics of my choosing for my History and English courses this past semester. My writing as of late felt contrived, strained, and lacking any genuine emotion. It feels so refreshing to actually have an inclination to write! I do hope this new found energy stays for the upcoming Spring semester! I have 2 writing intensive courses... anyhow.

I watched a recent episode of Ugly Betty it explored an interesting emotion: passion. Now, this necessarily does not have to do with anything romantic. More like having that burning desire to do something, to accomplish a goal one has been working towards furiously. At the episode's end I wondered: Do I have passion? How do we measure it? Can it be deceiving? Interestingly enough, while I was beginning to write this post a fellow blogger inspired passion to write!

So my dear, amazing friend Julianne over at http://jdaydreamer.blogspot.com/ discussed standards of beauty within American society. I figured I felt passionate about this topic: As I read her entry, a bubbling, slightly burning sensation built up in my chest that seemed to rise. I am certain this was not heartburn or indigestion. A flurry of thoughts and emotions whirred in my head for a while until I could form a half way (if lengthy) decent response on her post. After submitting my entry, I thought to myself "So, was that passion?"

This seemingly mundane experience has lead me to believe that being passionate is physical and mental. Just as a set of hormones are released from the adrenal glands one is excited, passion can often be felt. Mentally, a willingness to do it must be present. In Ugly Betty, for example, the protagonist Betty feels her boyfriend, Matt, needs to tap into his passion about painting again. To make a long story short, unbeknownst to Matt, Betty enters some of his paintings to an exhibit in hopes of igniting his passion for his art. The curator chose the pieces that had "drama and passion" which were the one's depicting Betty either as a savage monster, Medusa, and King Kong and Matt was the blonde girl.

The paintings were a result of the anguish and betrayal Matt felt when Betty "cheated" on him (so she kissed her ex boyfriend... and apologized profusely later... anyhow!). Combining raw and intense emotion along with skill and cunning Matt adequately demonstrated to the rest of society his passions. Betty felt he needed a remainder of something he felt strongly about, body and soul. In real life, do we need validation about our own passions? Is it really passion if we drift away from the goals we were so gun-ho about a few months, days ago? What causes some passions to extinguish?

Last year, my majors were English and Philosophy of Law. After taking a course for my second major, I realized I have no passion exploring the philosophical roots of ethics in our society. Instead I found myself missing the crushing course work of my European History class in my senior year of high school. Without much hesitation, I logged on to WebSIMS and changed my major from Philosophy of Law to History. Turns out, I was a lot more passionate about History than Philosophy. Had my passion for History been there all along? Did I bury my true passion for History because I deemed it silly seeing as I want to go to law school when I finished my undergraduate education? Yeah, pretty much. But I said to hell with it and I am very content with my choices. Besides, law schools don't have prerequisites in terms of what majoryou chose in college.

Our passions can be inhibited by our surroundings, misunderstanding parents, or toxic relationships. Sometimes it comes from within; we don't measure up to our own standards, we think what we care about is stupid. Perhaps what we felt passionate about twenty years ago (starting a flared leg jeans company) simply are no longer relevant. As long as these passions are not life threatening or criminal why should be follow some one else's plan for what we should feel strongly about? Write that novel. Make the perfect creme brulee even if you have zero baking skills. Flirt with the guy of your dreams. What do you have to lose?

Having passion for something makes life so much richer; things do not have to be so practical all the time. That's no fun. Let's embrace our passions and celebrate being alive.