When do we know when to release?
"Releasing" can have different meanings. In this case, I am referencing letting go of negative emotions, memories, even relationships with others. Releasing can also mean moving past emotional baggage, but not entirely throwing it over the Brooklyn Bridge.
With release, I am not suggesting totally blocking it out. I'm suggesting learning, accepting, and moving on.
I suppose if these things we hold on to, many can call it suppression, is causing us more harm then good, then it is time to release it. Or, if it is hindering you from trying something that you know would benefit you, then time to release.
If we do not benefit by holding on to something that isn't worth holding on to, then why hold on to it in the first place? Would you keep a notebook that you used to do your spelling homework ("Write these words 5X each, in alphabetical order") in the second grade, causing clutter in your room? You have already learned from this; you have a good sense of alphabetization and spelling. So then why keep it around? Is it going to help you reach another goal? Is it going to improve you? No.
Many of the things we hold on to actually cripple us because they cause fear, disappointment, loss. We choose to avoid confronting new situations, not allowing change to occur because of experiences that have made us fearful of getting hurt, of not fully comprehending, of not having any control.
Yet, when does releasing turn into pushing away? Where do we draw the line?
We can go back to the second grade notebook. You would get frustrated with the complexity, the awful nature of those tricky letters, the constant repeating the alphabet song over and over just to complete the assignment, you simply toss the notebook aside and never learn how to alphabetize. With pushing away, we don't take away what we should have from different experiences. We don't see the silver lining, we don't cope.
And while everyone else is busy playing, you are stuck still trying to alphabetize those inane words.
Releasing would involve some sort of resolution with what's been tormenting us, while pushing away is ignoring it. To put it in a somewhat badly constructed analogy (as if the notebook wasn't bad enough): releasing is like actually cleaning up a mess while pushing away is sweeping dust under the rug. Eventually, the dust will accumulate further until there is a rather prominent bump on the rug, and people will start asking questions. And questioning your cleanliness.
So, it's time to shake off the fear of elevators to avoid the exhausting walk to the top floor*, time to allow people back into to your invisible protective emotional shield to form real relationships, time to go back out on a walk around the block without fear of someone stealing your iPod because you have mace now.
Learn and release.
*For much of my childhood, I was absolutely terrified of elevators. I would cry, hyperventilate, the works. Up until I was 12, I couldn't endure an elevator ride. Then I learned that elevators don't just snap and take you to the bowels of hell. Thus, I released my fear.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Priorities.
Someone's blog post got me thinking: priorities. How do we classify them? What do we consider a priority? These certainly vary from person to person. But is the process of classifying priorities, from urgent, to important, to unimportant, to downright unnecessary, the same for all of us?
I suppose I should tie this in with what my philosophy class was discussing yesterday. When it comes to morals, there are values we consider absolute and others circumstantial. Absolute means that a certain rule is true in every and any situation. An example one could say can be saying "Bless you" to anyone you hear sneeze. Circumstantial is the opposite: each situation is different, and the rule can only be applied sometimes. So, if the "bless you" rule was circumstantial, it would only apply if you knew the person and that you liked them.
Personally, my priorities are measured in a system that I was not even aware of. For short-term goals, this is how I rank them:
1. Urgent (needs to be done ASAP)
2. Important (needs to be done in the next 24-48 hours)
3. Somewhat important (can be put off for a couple of days, but elevates to urgent, especially while procrastinating! This a dangerous level.)
4. Not too important (can be put off for a couple of weeks, months sometimes and can be just as dangerous as 3, because it needs doing eventually)
5. Basically unimportant (had the vague idea to get around doing it, but I never do)
This list is usually absolute. Circumstantial issues can fit into this outline of priorities; the issues tend to differ time to time, especially when papers are due, times of the day, etc.
How do certain tasks fit into the outline? Usually, this depends on one's mood and knowing how acting on these priorities will affect you in a certain way. For instance, I received a box of children's books from Scholastic that I did not order. I left it there for some time, thinking I would eventually get around to calling them. I suppose this fits under category 4. After I got fired, I had much more time on my hands. I got around to opening the letter last week that came with it, and it said I owed them $242.
"Hell fucking no."
This, obviously, became a #1 priority. I called them. It took literally 5 minutes and 44 seconds to have them cancel the account and have them agree to send me a paid postage sticker that will send it back to Jefferson City, MO. This could have been over and done with weeks ago, and I was surprised by the facility of handling the situation.
An issue can be pressing, such as getting the research done for a term paper early on, to allow time to write an ass kicking paper. However, depending on one's mood (It's such a lovely spring day, I think I'll go out and work on my paper later) our priorities get mangled and the what could have been an ass kicking paper becomes what comes out of asses, and receives a deserving D.
Prioritizing, especially for freshman college students, is difficult. We still have this senior year, high school mentality, "Eh, I'll get around to that response paper" at 3 a.m. and receive an awesome check plus, while now we hand in the same quality of paper and get a not-so-awesome C.
How to beat this skill we have developed over the past 13-15 years of our lives? I cannot really say; I am one of the best procrastinators you will ever meet. This is an awful title to have. When someone has an idea, let me know.
Hm. Seems like my time is up in this computer lab. Maybe I should catch up on all the Physics notes I have missed.
I suppose I should tie this in with what my philosophy class was discussing yesterday. When it comes to morals, there are values we consider absolute and others circumstantial. Absolute means that a certain rule is true in every and any situation. An example one could say can be saying "Bless you" to anyone you hear sneeze. Circumstantial is the opposite: each situation is different, and the rule can only be applied sometimes. So, if the "bless you" rule was circumstantial, it would only apply if you knew the person and that you liked them.
Personally, my priorities are measured in a system that I was not even aware of. For short-term goals, this is how I rank them:
1. Urgent (needs to be done ASAP)
2. Important (needs to be done in the next 24-48 hours)
3. Somewhat important (can be put off for a couple of days, but elevates to urgent, especially while procrastinating! This a dangerous level.)
4. Not too important (can be put off for a couple of weeks, months sometimes and can be just as dangerous as 3, because it needs doing eventually)
5. Basically unimportant (had the vague idea to get around doing it, but I never do)
This list is usually absolute. Circumstantial issues can fit into this outline of priorities; the issues tend to differ time to time, especially when papers are due, times of the day, etc.
How do certain tasks fit into the outline? Usually, this depends on one's mood and knowing how acting on these priorities will affect you in a certain way. For instance, I received a box of children's books from Scholastic that I did not order. I left it there for some time, thinking I would eventually get around to calling them. I suppose this fits under category 4. After I got fired, I had much more time on my hands. I got around to opening the letter last week that came with it, and it said I owed them $242.
"Hell fucking no."
This, obviously, became a #1 priority. I called them. It took literally 5 minutes and 44 seconds to have them cancel the account and have them agree to send me a paid postage sticker that will send it back to Jefferson City, MO. This could have been over and done with weeks ago, and I was surprised by the facility of handling the situation.
An issue can be pressing, such as getting the research done for a term paper early on, to allow time to write an ass kicking paper. However, depending on one's mood (It's such a lovely spring day, I think I'll go out and work on my paper later) our priorities get mangled and the what could have been an ass kicking paper becomes what comes out of asses, and receives a deserving D.
Prioritizing, especially for freshman college students, is difficult. We still have this senior year, high school mentality, "Eh, I'll get around to that response paper" at 3 a.m. and receive an awesome check plus, while now we hand in the same quality of paper and get a not-so-awesome C.
How to beat this skill we have developed over the past 13-15 years of our lives? I cannot really say; I am one of the best procrastinators you will ever meet. This is an awful title to have. When someone has an idea, let me know.
Hm. Seems like my time is up in this computer lab. Maybe I should catch up on all the Physics notes I have missed.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Yearning.
Why do many of us miss people who we would prefer not to miss?
What I truly yearn is for resolution, yet have no desire to actually make contact with that someone. It's a difficult sensation to explain. I'm sure those who have been in this sort of position can make sense of it. Kind of. Well, at least understand where this blogger is coming from. I surely cannot.
Living without emotional baggage would make life easier. Baggage is defined as feelings from a past experience that has made an effect on an individual, something that they cannot easily brush aside and as a result, stays with them for any other relationship they form. I suppose this is inevitable; how else are we supposed to grow without experience to become better, learned people, to avoid the same mistakes? Baggage is necessary to eliminate naivete; know what to avoid, know what to do next time, know when something isn't right.
A wise friend of mine has told me many (many, many) times that resolution is not possible if both parties do not discuss it. Pride gets in the way of this blogger to do so.
Thus, my flaws does not allow for complete ease.
Surely, I cannot be the only one who feels this way.
It's not you; you let me down again.
What I truly yearn is for resolution, yet have no desire to actually make contact with that someone. It's a difficult sensation to explain. I'm sure those who have been in this sort of position can make sense of it. Kind of. Well, at least understand where this blogger is coming from. I surely cannot.
Living without emotional baggage would make life easier. Baggage is defined as feelings from a past experience that has made an effect on an individual, something that they cannot easily brush aside and as a result, stays with them for any other relationship they form. I suppose this is inevitable; how else are we supposed to grow without experience to become better, learned people, to avoid the same mistakes? Baggage is necessary to eliminate naivete; know what to avoid, know what to do next time, know when something isn't right.
A wise friend of mine has told me many (many, many) times that resolution is not possible if both parties do not discuss it. Pride gets in the way of this blogger to do so.
Thus, my flaws does not allow for complete ease.
Surely, I cannot be the only one who feels this way.
It's not you; you let me down again.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Positivity.
Will thinking positively really affect the outcome of a situation? A friend of mine and I were discussing how thinking positivity has impacted her life. She suggested I should give it a go. I guess there wouldn't be any harm in doing so.
There isn't anything lose. It can be considered a follow-up to the previous post I made about being discontent: positivity is a way to combat it. One can even call it a reinvention.
Without positivity, what is the point of commencing anything? We are naturally drawn to good feelings and if we feel positive about something we tend to lean on that. Would we try out for a team, a club, a role in a play, if we didn't have some sort of thought that it is a positive thing to do? Would we read a book, watch a musical or movie, or try a diet that has gotten nothing but negative reviews? No. Positivity is key to motivation.
So here's to positivity about body image, school, relationships, platonic and non-platonic alike, money and an upcoming road test on December 4th. Lets hope new, positive thinking will bring wiser choices. And maybe some maturity along the way.
There isn't anything lose. It can be considered a follow-up to the previous post I made about being discontent: positivity is a way to combat it. One can even call it a reinvention.
Without positivity, what is the point of commencing anything? We are naturally drawn to good feelings and if we feel positive about something we tend to lean on that. Would we try out for a team, a club, a role in a play, if we didn't have some sort of thought that it is a positive thing to do? Would we read a book, watch a musical or movie, or try a diet that has gotten nothing but negative reviews? No. Positivity is key to motivation.
So here's to positivity about body image, school, relationships, platonic and non-platonic alike, money and an upcoming road test on December 4th. Lets hope new, positive thinking will bring wiser choices. And maybe some maturity along the way.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Discontent.
There are times where we feel unhappy, unfulfilled, unsatisfied. Sometimes these feelings are temporary, maybe brought up by a bad test grade, an argument or a bad case of PMS. But when does unhappiness become discontentment?
Are these words synonymous? "Unhappiness" is feeling "sad, miserable, wretched" while "discontent" is a "restless desire for something one does not have". Discontentment is more prolonged, more solid than unhappiness. Can one be happy but discontent? Sure. That's usually called denial.
I suppose one can use the following example: you can be unhappy with the trains. Unhappy with the people who ride the trains. Unhappy with the wait for the train. Unhappy with the crowding on the trains. Unhappy with that slippery step that made you trip. When this becomes a pattern of never-ending unhappiness, you can claim to be discontent with the entire system. However, if there is generally good service, decent people, short waits and fairly dry stairs, one can claim to be unhappy that one day. And rightly so. Especially on that cold November morning when all you want is a steaming cup of coffee to sip and to get to class on time while nothing seems to be going your way.
However, there are times people try to convince themselves they are happy when they are discontent. Perhaps it is because they don't want to admit they made the wrong choice and say "Hey Ma, I'm doing so much better without you" when really they are thinking "I'm an idiot and living off Ramen noodles and was not ready to move out with someone I barely know". Pride can often get in the way of contentment. Not taking responsibility for one's actions can cost us our happiness.
I guess one can say not recognizing one's flaws can lead to eventual discontentment.
When being unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfied becomes a pattern and becomes the only adjectives to describe your current situation, then it is safe to say you are discontent. Of course, that's no way of carrying out one's life. Life's too short. Immanuel Kant once said that the purpose of our lives is to find things that makes us happy. I would say find things that will make you content, not just happy. Take action that will make you happy in the long run, not just for this moment.
If the actions we are taking now aren't leading us to any sort of long- lasting contentment, we need to stop and think: What am I doing that's making me miserable? Often times, we are the only one's in the way of our own happiness, our own biggest obstacles in conquering fear of change.
Grab life by the horns and stampede through those things making you feel "wretched". This way, the only things left are those that do make you content. And ultimately, one can find purposeful meaning.
Are these words synonymous? "Unhappiness" is feeling "sad, miserable, wretched" while "discontent" is a "restless desire for something one does not have". Discontentment is more prolonged, more solid than unhappiness. Can one be happy but discontent? Sure. That's usually called denial.
I suppose one can use the following example: you can be unhappy with the trains. Unhappy with the people who ride the trains. Unhappy with the wait for the train. Unhappy with the crowding on the trains. Unhappy with that slippery step that made you trip. When this becomes a pattern of never-ending unhappiness, you can claim to be discontent with the entire system. However, if there is generally good service, decent people, short waits and fairly dry stairs, one can claim to be unhappy that one day. And rightly so. Especially on that cold November morning when all you want is a steaming cup of coffee to sip and to get to class on time while nothing seems to be going your way.
However, there are times people try to convince themselves they are happy when they are discontent. Perhaps it is because they don't want to admit they made the wrong choice and say "Hey Ma, I'm doing so much better without you" when really they are thinking "I'm an idiot and living off Ramen noodles and was not ready to move out with someone I barely know". Pride can often get in the way of contentment. Not taking responsibility for one's actions can cost us our happiness.
I guess one can say not recognizing one's flaws can lead to eventual discontentment.
When being unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfied becomes a pattern and becomes the only adjectives to describe your current situation, then it is safe to say you are discontent. Of course, that's no way of carrying out one's life. Life's too short. Immanuel Kant once said that the purpose of our lives is to find things that makes us happy. I would say find things that will make you content, not just happy. Take action that will make you happy in the long run, not just for this moment.
If the actions we are taking now aren't leading us to any sort of long- lasting contentment, we need to stop and think: What am I doing that's making me miserable? Often times, we are the only one's in the way of our own happiness, our own biggest obstacles in conquering fear of change.
Grab life by the horns and stampede through those things making you feel "wretched". This way, the only things left are those that do make you content. And ultimately, one can find purposeful meaning.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Maturity.
"You're only eighteen?"
"Yeah. How old did you think I was?"
"I don't know... probably in your twenties."
"What? Laugh. Why?"
"Because you act mature."
How do we define maturity? Many of us will say it is the decisions and the composure of someone that will give it away. I think my (ex) coworkers made their judgments too quickly.
The way one talks, walks, and acts in public is a way to judge maturity, yes. But isn't this superficial? Can we seem mature but actually have childish thoughts and make childish decisions? Of course; people fake maturity all the time. It depends on how good they are at it. Wiser people tend to see right through them.
I don't think I am mature. I make decisions and don't think about the consequences that will eventually affect me adversely. I act immaturely. I think immaturely. I don't take responsibility for my actions.
Is self awareness the "first step"? What good is it if we don't take steps to correct them?
Who are we to say what is mature and what is not? Can one be old and be immature? Can one be young and be mature? I'd like to believe so.
So what really is maturity? Maturity goes beyond the way one sounds and acts in front of people. It is qualities that cannot be feigned. It's your thoughts. Priorities. Innate reactions. Making wiser decisions. Thinking for yourself. Setting aside luxury for essentials. Taking good advice. Accepting defeat. Knowing when you are wrong. Correcting mistakes. Apologizing. Swallowing your pride once in a while. The way you treat those you aren't set out to impress.
It is not to say that people fit two categories: mature and immature. We aren't set out to be one or the other; that's against the laws of nature. We all fit a gray area. Gray is a very wide spectrum.
Is maturity part of our nature or nurture? I'd like to think that it's both. For some, it comes easier than others. Different people define maturity differently. Maturity can be learned, these qualities earned during their lifetimes. Can we see ourselves as mature or do others need to point it out to us? When do you reach that benchmark? Is there a benchmark? Should there be one? Perhaps there shouldn't be. It's an illusion almost; perhaps it has always been there but you hadn't realized it. Or others hadn't.
Maybe I will fit my qualifications sometime soon.
"Yeah. How old did you think I was?"
"I don't know... probably in your twenties."
"What? Laugh. Why?"
"Because you act mature."
How do we define maturity? Many of us will say it is the decisions and the composure of someone that will give it away. I think my (ex) coworkers made their judgments too quickly.
The way one talks, walks, and acts in public is a way to judge maturity, yes. But isn't this superficial? Can we seem mature but actually have childish thoughts and make childish decisions? Of course; people fake maturity all the time. It depends on how good they are at it. Wiser people tend to see right through them.
I don't think I am mature. I make decisions and don't think about the consequences that will eventually affect me adversely. I act immaturely. I think immaturely. I don't take responsibility for my actions.
Is self awareness the "first step"? What good is it if we don't take steps to correct them?
Who are we to say what is mature and what is not? Can one be old and be immature? Can one be young and be mature? I'd like to believe so.
So what really is maturity? Maturity goes beyond the way one sounds and acts in front of people. It is qualities that cannot be feigned. It's your thoughts. Priorities. Innate reactions. Making wiser decisions. Thinking for yourself. Setting aside luxury for essentials. Taking good advice. Accepting defeat. Knowing when you are wrong. Correcting mistakes. Apologizing. Swallowing your pride once in a while. The way you treat those you aren't set out to impress.
It is not to say that people fit two categories: mature and immature. We aren't set out to be one or the other; that's against the laws of nature. We all fit a gray area. Gray is a very wide spectrum.
Is maturity part of our nature or nurture? I'd like to think that it's both. For some, it comes easier than others. Different people define maturity differently. Maturity can be learned, these qualities earned during their lifetimes. Can we see ourselves as mature or do others need to point it out to us? When do you reach that benchmark? Is there a benchmark? Should there be one? Perhaps there shouldn't be. It's an illusion almost; perhaps it has always been there but you hadn't realized it. Or others hadn't.
Maybe I will fit my qualifications sometime soon.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Fired.
Losing a job is very much like getting dumped: at first there is denial. It can't possibly be permanent. Then it slowly dawns on you that you just lost a pretty big part of your life and feel somewhat empty; something is missing. You think about it for days, feel remorse for what initiated this lose, go back and rethink what went wrong. There were so many things that you could have done differently, if you can only go back and fix them and everything would be great and splendid and wonderful.
Maybe you didn't want to fix them. You wanted to end it anyway, you just couldn't muster the courage to do so. You feel somewhat relived they took the burden off you. Or maybe you wanted to make things work, if you had a little more time. You had been making improvement in your opinion; they were simply impatient and don't realize what a valuable asset they lost. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
Then you realize that it's better this way. It wasn't that great to begin with and quite frankly, you saw the end coming. It was a waste of time and energy. You will miss the perks but due time you will find something better. It wasn't the one.
But no regrets.
Maybe you didn't want to fix them. You wanted to end it anyway, you just couldn't muster the courage to do so. You feel somewhat relived they took the burden off you. Or maybe you wanted to make things work, if you had a little more time. You had been making improvement in your opinion; they were simply impatient and don't realize what a valuable asset they lost. Maybe it's a little bit of both.
Then you realize that it's better this way. It wasn't that great to begin with and quite frankly, you saw the end coming. It was a waste of time and energy. You will miss the perks but due time you will find something better. It wasn't the one.
But no regrets.
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