When do we know when to release?
"Releasing" can have different meanings. In this case, I am referencing letting go of negative emotions, memories, even relationships with others. Releasing can also mean moving past emotional baggage, but not entirely throwing it over the Brooklyn Bridge.
With release, I am not suggesting totally blocking it out. I'm suggesting learning, accepting, and moving on.
I suppose if these things we hold on to, many can call it suppression, is causing us more harm then good, then it is time to release it. Or, if it is hindering you from trying something that you know would benefit you, then time to release.
If we do not benefit by holding on to something that isn't worth holding on to, then why hold on to it in the first place? Would you keep a notebook that you used to do your spelling homework ("Write these words 5X each, in alphabetical order") in the second grade, causing clutter in your room? You have already learned from this; you have a good sense of alphabetization and spelling. So then why keep it around? Is it going to help you reach another goal? Is it going to improve you? No.
Many of the things we hold on to actually cripple us because they cause fear, disappointment, loss. We choose to avoid confronting new situations, not allowing change to occur because of experiences that have made us fearful of getting hurt, of not fully comprehending, of not having any control.
Yet, when does releasing turn into pushing away? Where do we draw the line?
We can go back to the second grade notebook. You would get frustrated with the complexity, the awful nature of those tricky letters, the constant repeating the alphabet song over and over just to complete the assignment, you simply toss the notebook aside and never learn how to alphabetize. With pushing away, we don't take away what we should have from different experiences. We don't see the silver lining, we don't cope.
And while everyone else is busy playing, you are stuck still trying to alphabetize those inane words.
Releasing would involve some sort of resolution with what's been tormenting us, while pushing away is ignoring it. To put it in a somewhat badly constructed analogy (as if the notebook wasn't bad enough): releasing is like actually cleaning up a mess while pushing away is sweeping dust under the rug. Eventually, the dust will accumulate further until there is a rather prominent bump on the rug, and people will start asking questions. And questioning your cleanliness.
So, it's time to shake off the fear of elevators to avoid the exhausting walk to the top floor*, time to allow people back into to your invisible protective emotional shield to form real relationships, time to go back out on a walk around the block without fear of someone stealing your iPod because you have mace now.
Learn and release.
*For much of my childhood, I was absolutely terrified of elevators. I would cry, hyperventilate, the works. Up until I was 12, I couldn't endure an elevator ride. Then I learned that elevators don't just snap and take you to the bowels of hell. Thus, I released my fear.
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2 comments:
"If we do not benefit by holding on to something that isn't worth holding on to, then why hold on to it in the first place?"
I understand this completely, because there are so many things (whether they are physical items like the spelling notebook, relationships i had with people, or certain memories that I've wished I could go back to and relive) that I've held onto when I really would be better off being able to move on...like you said, I think that we hold onto these things because it's easier for us to do that rather than to let them go and try to move on and go through changes/have new experiences. We know how to deal with things we're still holding onto because we've dealt with them already, and like you said, we understand them and, therefore, have some sense of control over them. Also, sometimes it's a fear that we're going to need that thing we're holding onto for some future situation, and that by releasing it we won't have that part of ourselves anymore. For example, I used to never want to get rid of any of my old schoolwork because I had a fear that I would need to know something in the future, and if I got rid of it, I wouldn't be able to look back on it and remember how to do it. However, I got myself to realize that since the chances of me needing this schoolwork was very low, I could afford to get rid of it, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to relearn the material again- maybe I'd even have a better understanding of it.
I also agree with your point that pushing things away doesn't help. It's easier at first, because many times it's hard to confront the issue (or person you're having an issue with); it's much easier to act as if everything is fine and ignore the problem. However, like the dust building up under the rug that you described, tension will constantly be building up under the surface, and it'll only make things worse when you reach the point where the issue is unavoidable and you HAVE to say something. It's difficult...but being open and honest about issues is (in my opinion) the most effective thing to do...because once you've done that, then you'll probably be more likely to release any unnessecary things that were attached to that problem, and it'll be better for you overall.
That has to be the most insightful comment I have received so far... I think you have the concept nailed. I however, do not.
Letting go is such a liberating experience. Have you considered psychotherapy as a career? Lmao
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