Expiration.

Thanks to some faithful blog followers (i.e. the only two people who read my blog), I realized that I have neglected this blog. I don't have a very compelling excuse other than moderate school work and sheer lack of worthy musings. Alas, some things have been brought to my attention and I felt the need to write.

It reminds me of the last line of a remarkable English sonnet written by Sir Phillip Sydney, the first one in "Astrophil and Stella":

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Yes, perhaps that is somewhat cheesy. Yet, that is how most great literary works begin: writing directly from what evokes emotion.

Anyway. I do not think the following can be considered a "great literary work", but my muse tells me to write.

Do certain relationships have expiration dates? Or, do we intentionally or unintentionally progress the souring of a concoction we created?

We enter friendships or romantic relationships because we feel that pull of shared interests, desirable companionship, or even favorable perks. Once we enter into this unspoken contract with others, is it our obligation to uphold it, for better or for worse? Do we need to sacrifice our emotions, pride or dignity to preserve the sanctity of a relationship?

These answers can seem very obvious. It depends on the individual. A long time friend is going to require a certain level of trust and loyalty as opposed to someone you met two weeks ago. However, it doesn't always work out this way: what if this long time friend changed into someone you barely recognize? Yes, we can be long time friends but are you a close friend? How meaningful are you to me? What kind of level of loyalty do you owe to someone in this position? Is it near the expiration of your relationship? Should we maintain this level of intimacy or call it quits?

There also comes the issue of emotional health. Are certain friends affecting you in a way you become their host and they your leech? How do we politely tell them to stop sucking you dry?

Is it even correct to tell a friend: Hey, this isn't working out for me. I don't want to continue a dysfunctional friendship with you. I would imagine it would be a huge blow to their ego and maybe shed light on their inability to form halfway decent relationships with anyone. Maybe that's their problem. Or does it become our problem? Do we not want anyone "in"?

At this point, I have no idea where this post is going.

I suppose what I want to know is if some people are just doomed for disaster when it comes to connecting with others. I have had friendships that expired at graduation dates, expired ever since they said something specifically, or expired from lack of communication. There are some that I have been sad to see crumble, and others where I had a hand in disintegrating. Some I have done with no remorse, others I have a baggage full of remorse.

Maybe these expiration's are necessary to distinguish which relationships have no expiration dates.

I just wish some expired less painfully than others.

Bad.

While engaging in an unhealthy amount of television viewing, I stumbled across those obnoxious promotional commercials the "Bad Girls Club" on Oxygen. While watching the brief clips on these young women fling various household objects at each other, trying to tear each other into shreds, and engaging in all over sickening, attention craving behavior, it got me thinking.

When did bad become good?

This show is on its third season. There are people vying to be on this show? There are people willing and wanting desperately to show how bitchy, trashy and nasty they can be?

When where these characteristics ever celebrated? Did I miss the memo?

This trend to be a "bad girl", to be a woman known for her excessive drinking, her promiscuous sexual activity, and her vile attitude has gained a brand of glamor. "Bad girls" are "cool girls". It's cool to drink yourself into a comma. It's cool to sleep to with the first attractive guy you meet at the bar. It's cool to bash that girl's skull in in the alleyway because she gave you a "nasty look". That's all good and well.

Aren't these the stereotypes these same women claim to be trying disprove? To convince the general public they are productive members of society?

Instead, they embody everything a woman shouldn't be. Publicly.

It's not just the women on this revolting reality series. Young women of my generation believe this is the correct way to spend their youth, the only way to have fun.

I think I come off as an insufferable prude in this post. Or jealous I don't lead the same lifestyle. That is far from it. I pity those girls. They don't know any other way to lead meaningful lives than go boozing and bruising.

Granted, I am not saying we can't be "bad" from time to time. What is life without a little adventure? However, when these behaviors becomes the way you are characterized, there's a problem.

I feel like this is a huge step backwards for women everywhere.

I suppose one can also look at the "celebration" of these behaviors as even an accomplishment: Well look at these women! They can go out and act just the way men do and be recognized for it. Have a television show dedicated to them. Equal opportunity in every sense!

But aren't those behaviors in men that women say they despise? The excessive drinking, the promiscuity and the domestic violence? If I am not mistaken, these have been the causes of countless divorces, countless deal-breakers, countless job losses.

Usually, those are never celebrated.

We aren't perfect. We shouldn't be perfect. We shouldn't be a little wound up society of people pretending to be righteous and good and pious. No.

What we should be is a society who knows the difference between good television and offensive television.

Stress.

Is stress a major motivation for our need to succeed?

I got 3/4ths of my grades so far. They are dismal. Why? I had no job, no other pressing situations going on, no relative stress....

Stress. Something that I have been lacking in these last couple of months. I wonder, is the lack of stress actually detrimental my academic career? I have come to the conclusion that it is.

Many of us like to complain on how incredibly, infuriatingly, insanely stressful life can be: demanding college courses, demanding family, demanding soul-sucking part-time job. Many will tell you how they wish it would all just stop to make life a little easy.

However, how empty would our lives be without this constant, nagging stress? Imagine having classes that don't challenge you? A family who doesn't give a damn? No job at all? Stress can be a motivator: the need to have to get this stress off drives you to do the things you need to do.

It's not to say too much stress can't be harmful. An imbalance in stress can cause neglect in other areas (workaholic parents neglecting their children, who eventually turn into hell raisers) which isn't healthy. Prioritizing comes in handy to judge which areas need to be paid more attention to than others.

While many of us don't desire staring at a computer screen at 2:17 a.m., brain functioning only because it's hopped up on caffeine, trying to string together coherent sentences to hopefully passable paragraphs, we do enjoy the rewards at the end of a long, stressful evening of completing a term paper. We breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that the sleep deprivation didn't go to waste.

Perhaps I am only speaking for myself here.

The need to constantly be on top of your work give us a sense of accomplishment, of purpose. Otherwise, we feel as if we have nothing to do... floating around... uselessly. What reward will come of floating around? Nothing.

We need the relentless struggle to finish something most of the time. It makes down time all the more worthwhile.

Stress, in moderation, is good for the soul.

I resolve to take more courses next semester; Perhaps 6 instead of 4. Perhaps the crushing weight of the work overload will motivate me to succeed at all of them.

I'll just attempt it from not breaking me.

Past.

Do we ever really move on from the past? Do we convince ourselves we have really moved on, when we wish it was the way it was before?

I wrote in the previous entry: There is no use regretting the past: what has happened, happened and nothing can be done to change that action. However, we don't always feel this way. Many times, we spend an enormous amount of time thinking about what has happened and how that could have been corrected. We might subconsciously scribble events in our planners that where once celebrated but no longer are.

What is the use? Why do we insist on doing this to ourselves, torturing ourselves, revisiting places, remembering people, reliving emotions that one particular period brought? It might have been an especially fulfilling time in one's life: having a glorious job, having a thriving social life, having one's family united. Now that this is no longer the case, the only option that we think we have is wallowing in sorrow because you no longer have this, either because of your own fault or you were unwillingly thrown out of the picture.

Remembering and reminiscing doesn't have to be painful. I think that when one can look back at a previous period and not feel the sting of remorse of no longer having it, then we can say we have moved on. Granted, it is not the same as looking back and regret having caused irreversible harm to someone else willingly or unwillingly: that is a completely different realm.

I'm not sure this is frighteningly similar to "Release". Oh well.

I don't believe we ever "move on" completely from anything. It will always be in the back of our minds as we make a decision or encounter any similar situation.

The most important thing to do is wrap your head around the idea that nothing can be done now. We need to work with whatever is in front of us. Whether it be something we didn't expect or a mess we have created; we can't hit "Undo."

What can be done is learning and putting that knowledge to good use. Living with the notion of wanting to change the past is outright ridiculous. And damaging.

We live in the present. Create something worthwhile now to dodge remorse later.

Rationality.

Do emotions get in the way of rational decision making?

The answer might seem very, very obvious: yes. Of course emotions get in the way of rationality. Sometimes. Yet, it is something I wish to explore through this blog, instead of completing homework. This is just a lot more fun.

There is no use regretting the past: what has happened, happened and nothing can be done to change that action. This blogger wonders: how would have certain situations have turned out if we used our brains instead of our hearts?

In some cases, we regret using our hearts: they leave us with less than desirable results. Perhaps it is because we don't take into consideration what would really affect the outcome, factors that involve logic rather than impulse. A simplified example would be having a slice of chocolate cake. You love chocolate cake, but you are aware of the fat and sugar content that will make that morning jog a complete waste. You know the damage it can cause. However, that longing, those gnawing thoughts of "Eat it! Eat it!" consumes you and you devour it. You might enjoy it that moment but some time passes and you realize you literally have bitten off more than you can chew: you vomit because you were too full. Not only is this result disastrous but embarrassing as well.

If emotions always get in the way of rationality, then why should we even bother with emotions? Wouldn't this world be a well-oiled machine of rationality and perhaps, not have as many problems as we do now? We have problems because we become emotionally invested in them.

At the same time, would any of our decisions be worth making if we aren't emotionally invested in them? There wouldn't be any sense of accomplishment if we were all nonchalant.

With some decisions, emotions have a huge impact (Should I propose to my girlfriend?) while some (Should I pay this month's rent with this money or blow it on having a good time this weekend?) shouldn't have an emotional impact. If a person decided to pursue pleasure over obligation in the latter scenario because it would have made him happy at that moment, he would have had a very unfavorable outcome in the long run, such as getting evicted. This would have made him quite unhappy for some time. While, if person A let too much rationality affect his decision to propose to his girlfriend (I can't stand her cooking; I can't marry her) then he might find himself without a girlfriend because she got tired of waiting for him to pop the question, and found himself unhappy for some time too.

With every rational decision, there is bound to be an emotional response. We are only human.

I must admit, people make some stupid decisions when thinking only with their hearts, not their brains. Many times, it can lead to heartbreak. At the same time, people can make stupid decisions by using only their brains, and not their hearts. They make decisions thinking it must be the right thing to do, but it leaves them feeling worse.

How boring would life be without decisions made on impulse though? I guess we just need to face the consequences after the fun. But is the fun really worth the aftermath? Depends.

Maybe taking emotions into account is the rational thing to do.
And just maybe, taking rationality into account is the best for emotional health.

Every situation is different. But you didn't need my silly blog post to tell you that, kind reader.

Fear.

Is fear our biggest obstacle?

As we approach the new year, many of us tend to make resolutions. We make lists of what we would like to accomplish during the coming year: the 10 pounds we want to shed before Memorial Day weekend, the GPA we want, the promotion we have been seeking, the relationship you want to take to the next level. Fast-forward 12 months, we have yet to accomplish our long abandoned list of goals. A wave of guilt, disappointment and mild disgust washes over you and you find yourself thinking Am I really this pathetic? We let these emotions set it, and fearing feeling this way again, you don't set any expectations for yourself. Thus, we end up in a rut: Wishing for more, wanting more, but disillusioned and remaining unhappy, knowing what we really want we can't get.

Where does the fear really lay? The fear of trying something new, the fear of being something great, intimidates many people. Granted, many successful people have conquered fear and tapped into their potential and are at their happiest. It's not to say they didn't have fears either, certainly they must have.

What separates the pathetic people to the successful ones is how they overcame the fear.

Many have the fear to try something new. Fear of getting behind the wheel. Fear of flying. Fear of learning a new language. Fear of going back to school to earn that degree you could have gotten a decade ago. Fear of being judged. But why? Why do we cling on to this fear, let it consume us to where it incapacitates us? We become slaves to our fear, forcing us to stay in a position we are discontent in. Would we rather have the comfort of dissatisfaction than the newness of greatness? For some, they unconsciously choose comfort, leaving them with a lifetime of "shoulda, woulda, coulda"s.

We shouldn't have to wonder what could have been. Fear, at the heart of the problem, has to do with fear of failing. Failure can be paralyzing, embarrassing, heart wrenching. If a goal stirs that much emotion into you, then the pain is worth the reward in the end. The fear of looking like a fool, thinking it is out of our reach is what keeps us at bay.

For this new year, my top resolution is to let go of fear. Everything else will fall into place.

To answer my own question, yes; fear is our biggest obstacle. We impose the barriers on ourselves much of the time. I'm sure if we let down our walls of defense against what could potentially hurt us, we might find if we let somethings in, it makes life that much richer.

We manufacture our fear. But we can also manufacture our happiness.

Release.

When do we know when to release?

"Releasing" can have different meanings. In this case, I am referencing letting go of negative emotions, memories, even relationships with others. Releasing can also mean moving past emotional baggage, but not entirely throwing it over the Brooklyn Bridge.

With release, I am not suggesting totally blocking it out. I'm suggesting learning, accepting, and moving on.

I suppose if these things we hold on to, many can call it suppression, is causing us more harm then good, then it is time to release it. Or, if it is hindering you from trying something that you know would benefit you, then time to release.

If we do not benefit by holding on to something that isn't worth holding on to, then why hold on to it in the first place? Would you keep a notebook that you used to do your spelling homework ("Write these words 5X each, in alphabetical order") in the second grade, causing clutter in your room? You have already learned from this; you have a good sense of alphabetization and spelling. So then why keep it around? Is it going to help you reach another goal? Is it going to improve you? No.

Many of the things we hold on to actually cripple us because they cause fear, disappointment, loss. We choose to avoid confronting new situations, not allowing change to occur because of experiences that have made us fearful of getting hurt, of not fully comprehending, of not having any control.

Yet, when does releasing turn into pushing away? Where do we draw the line?

We can go back to the second grade notebook. You would get frustrated with the complexity, the awful nature of those tricky letters, the constant repeating the alphabet song over and over just to complete the assignment, you simply toss the notebook aside and never learn how to alphabetize. With pushing away, we don't take away what we should have from different experiences. We don't see the silver lining, we don't cope.

And while everyone else is busy playing, you are stuck still trying to alphabetize those inane words.

Releasing would involve some sort of resolution with what's been tormenting us, while pushing away is ignoring it. To put it in a somewhat badly constructed analogy (as if the notebook wasn't bad enough): releasing is like actually cleaning up a mess while pushing away is sweeping dust under the rug. Eventually, the dust will accumulate further until there is a rather prominent bump on the rug, and people will start asking questions. And questioning your cleanliness.

So, it's time to shake off the fear of elevators to avoid the exhausting walk to the top floor*, time to allow people back into to your invisible protective emotional shield to form real relationships, time to go back out on a walk around the block without fear of someone stealing your iPod because you have mace now.

Learn and release.




*For much of my childhood, I was absolutely terrified of elevators. I would cry, hyperventilate, the works. Up until I was 12, I couldn't endure an elevator ride. Then I learned that elevators don't just snap and take you to the bowels of hell. Thus, I released my fear.