It is time for real talk.
Let's cut to the chase: I have been overweight for my entire life. Every so often, I will start some sort of fitness regime and diet in order to lose those 15 pounds I am always looking to lose. Two weeks in, I'm craving buffalo wings, I'm craving spinach and artichoke dip, I'm craving all these wonderfully delicious but sinfully awful things. And I give in. I give in hard. I gain back those measly 2-5 pounds I lost and I give up. And the cycle repeats itself endlessly.
About two months ago, I read an article of a man who lost over 100 pounds. I wish I had bookmarked the link so I can share it here, but I did not. Anyway, he lost the weight by doing the usual: diet, exercise, and a complete overhaul of his lifestyle. He explained that he too would commit himself to losing weight but he would quit shortly after. He believed he was doomed to be obese for the rest of his life. He eventually came to the realization that he constantly failed because it was a private battle; he would not tell his family or friends because he was afraid of being mocked. More than anything, he was afraid of failing in front of them. And then it clicked: he would be motivated if he in fact let his family and friends know about his weight loss experiences in a very public way. Failing was no longer an option. He began blogging about his journey to lose the weight every single day. He continues losing weight to this day.
It's really a shame that I didn't save the link. On his blog, he writes extensively about his day, the amount of time he spent working out, and what exercises he did. He also writes in excruciating detail about every morsel he has had during the day. He does this in order to be accountable for every single action he takes during the course of the day, and it impacts him in the long run. He shares what he's feeling that day, whether it's him feeling great or absolutely hating having to diet or whatever. He has inspired dozens of people to do the same.
Well, I felt pretty inspired to do the same. These past 3 weeks however I have been eating poorly and not exercising at all. I am aware though that a skirt I wear to work is starting to feel slightly tighter, and that's not a good look. My mom told me I looked like a big box today. Whether I like it or not, my mom's opinion on how I look affects me even though I brush it off as her being a bitch to my friends. At least she didn't tell me today that if she looked like me she would throw herself off the Brooklyn Bridge. I can't make this shit up.
Regardless, I have wanted to lose weight for such a loooooonnngggg time. Unfortunately, my attempts are usually unsuccessful. So I'm going to put it out there: I'm going to lose weight, damn it. I think I'll start a separate blog about it, since this one is not about my trails and tribulations about the size of my ass. My first entry will be tomorrow and I'll put the link up here. I simply can't update every single day but I will strive to update four days a week.
I am more than aware it is easier said than done. I absolutely hate working out and I hate depriving myself of that occasional slice of pizza. I HATE IT. However, I hate having to buy size 8 jeans and having to suck in my stomach every time I pass by a full size mirror even more. I hate hate hate sweating and huffing and puffing. But, I hate not being able to button button-down shirts I try on that look so damn good on other people even more.
With that said, it's time to suck it up! I hope to do some kickboxing and cardio and yoga these coming weeks as well as eating correctly and avoiding eating out with my wonderful friends. (Seriously, love you guys, but we need to stop eating out!)
I hope you all read along. This is going to be possibly disastrous but with your constant checking up on my blog, I hope that gives me some extra motivation other than fitting (and looking good!) in size 4 Banana Republic skinny jeans.
And please, don't hesitate commenting, if anyone bothers reading this. If just one other person reads along, I will be incredibly content.
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3 comments:
My dad teases me endlessly about my recent weight gain. It bugs me even more that I can't fit into the jeans I used to wear all the time because I gained a pants size (I'm size 8, too!), or that I can't wear button-down shirts either because my boobage area always gets in the way. I admire you for your determination to take control of your cravings... that's something I don't think I can do. Because that chocolate cake or bag of cheese puffs always calls me back, and I all too happily give in, only to regret it as soon as I finish devouring them. Ditto when it comes to exercising.
On the other hand... our bodies have reached maturity, so is it really that bad that we have a few wobbly bits? I mean, as long as our BMIs are in the healthy zone, is there really that much cause for worry?
I'm sorry your Mom speaks like that to you. Makes me sad because I know how much words can hurt especially from a parent. It's great that you want to get in shape and feel better but just remember that only part of your beauty comes from the outside. Not to sound like an after school special but I can tell that you are beautiful on the inside already, girl.
Seriously, don't go losing all that weight and doing all that jazz at once; in fact, try to do something that takes you only 15 minutes a day or something because once you go back to college you probably won't have any time to seriously work out. As to the eating too much 'holy crap, so goooooooood' food, I have the following advice that has, so far, worked for me:
1. Eat only one high-calorie meal per day (not counting only one desert per day). Make sure this meal is something you would kill yourself if you woke up one morning and found out they're not making the ingredients for it anymore. It has to be the kind of stuff you normally get your hands on once a week or something.
2. Don't eat junk food every day.
3. Develop the ability to become hyper focused on something to the point that you forget the time, neglect your stomach, your need for water and even your need for the necessary. ADD is your enemy; so is stuff like facebook, myspace, etc. You need a book or a mindless video game or even a hobby like writing or drawing.
4. Eat your biggest meal in the morning; if you don't want to miss that delicious dinner, put some on a plate for yourself and hide it where gaping mouths won't find it. Eat it in the morning and cackle evilly.
5. Learn to love your jelly belly (if you have one). I like wiggling mine and sweet talking it; you might want to try this.
6. If you don't like eating vegetables, find recipes that deal with them in a way you've never encountered before. Try these out, keep the ones you like, and EAT THEM. Eat them good! >:)
Hope it helps.
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