Writing. That's what this blog has allowed me to do for over two years. It has given me and many, many others, a platform from which to express, divulge, convince, accuse, pontificate, et. al. about everything and anything. The weight one can give one's words, the tone, the diction, the style, the form, is completely a unique construct. Writing was not the primary reason I became an English major. But, what my major has allowed me to do with my writing has made it into one of my favorite reasons.
Writing evolves. One can mold it to be whatever one wants it to be. The writer, the speaker, the protagonist can give words its depth or its shallowness. Writing makes words malleable, makes meaning disposable, makes it into whatever your muse inspired it to be.
Reading back on my earlier entries, this blog has taken a turn in themes and tones. Which is not necessarily a bad evolution. I have changed as a writer; my life has taken it's own little twists and turns, and my writing reflects that. Still, there are some aspects of my older posts I have forgotten to use because other writings have demanded I abandon them. Carefully crafting arguments, story arcs, and consciously forming prose into something one can hold at an arm's length and say "Yes, I am proud of this" is one particular writing process I have not engaged in for a while. At least in terms of my personal essay writing.
Here's to hoping the muses demand I look into my heart and write.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Das it!
Inspiration hasn't been kind to me as of late. I have not written for my own pleasure, for my own sanity, in some time. In light of certain thoughts and feelings that have unfortunately creeped up on me lately I felt the need to write something rather trite. Heartbreak, at its best, is the soul of the most spectacular works of art, including writing. I don't necessarily have any of the qualities that would be considered of a great artist, but that shouldn't stop me, or anyone, to write about how they feel at that moment.
Technically, I'm not "heartbroken." But rejection feels pretty close. So, I write in order to move on from this silliness.
After taking a creative writing course, I've been more interested in learning how to write in different forms, like plays and poetry. So, below is the very beginnings of a poem that might never get finished. Or it might. Just felt like it had to be jotted down.
A more glorified you
exists
in a plane only
I can comprehend.
I weave imagined tales
and fabricate verse
until there is no distinguishing
the truth from the lie.
Rhyme and rhythm
is unkind here.
Perhaps it would be
safer
to rewrite these lines
And end it there.
Technically, I'm not "heartbroken." But rejection feels pretty close. So, I write in order to move on from this silliness.
After taking a creative writing course, I've been more interested in learning how to write in different forms, like plays and poetry. So, below is the very beginnings of a poem that might never get finished. Or it might. Just felt like it had to be jotted down.
A more glorified you
exists
in a plane only
I can comprehend.
I weave imagined tales
and fabricate verse
until there is no distinguishing
the truth from the lie.
Rhyme and rhythm
is unkind here.
Perhaps it would be
safer
to rewrite these lines
And end it there.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Le Sigh.
Often, I use this space to rant. I believe I will be doing the same now.
I'm not sure if it's because I am tired. I'm not sure if this is a legitimate feeling. Whatever. There's so much I would like to write. Yet when I do sit down to do so, the words do not find their way to the screen.
This is going to be random.
For the sake of being terse, I am simply going to say I feel inadequate in most areas of my life. In school, definitely. In some aspects of my personal life, most definitely. In deciding what to do after graduation, yup.
It seems like I find myself knowing exactly where the problems are, and I know how to solve it (kind of?) but I don't do it. I don't think that makes much sense.
I don't like being negative, usually, and I don't like saying "don't" so often in a short piece such as this one. This is no way to spend one's time, wallowing in shallow despair about things I can't exactly pinpoint. But I know these things are solvable.
At the same time, there's nothing wrong with admitting that I'm not 100% happy. There's nothing wrong with admitting there are parts of life that are not where I want them to be. There's nothing wrong with admitting that I am frustrated that a boy I have the unfortunate circumstance of actually liking is in a relationship with someone else. That's part of the human experience: we have our ups, our downs, our in-betweens. Everything is not always where we want them to be.
It passes.We overcome it. It comes back. And we vent, we cry, we laugh, we write to do so.
I'm not sure if it's because I am tired. I'm not sure if this is a legitimate feeling. Whatever. There's so much I would like to write. Yet when I do sit down to do so, the words do not find their way to the screen.
This is going to be random.
For the sake of being terse, I am simply going to say I feel inadequate in most areas of my life. In school, definitely. In some aspects of my personal life, most definitely. In deciding what to do after graduation, yup.
It seems like I find myself knowing exactly where the problems are, and I know how to solve it (kind of?) but I don't do it. I don't think that makes much sense.
I don't like being negative, usually, and I don't like saying "don't" so often in a short piece such as this one. This is no way to spend one's time, wallowing in shallow despair about things I can't exactly pinpoint. But I know these things are solvable.
At the same time, there's nothing wrong with admitting that I'm not 100% happy. There's nothing wrong with admitting there are parts of life that are not where I want them to be. There's nothing wrong with admitting that I am frustrated that a boy I have the unfortunate circumstance of actually liking is in a relationship with someone else. That's part of the human experience: we have our ups, our downs, our in-betweens. Everything is not always where we want them to be.
It passes.We overcome it. It comes back. And we vent, we cry, we laugh, we write to do so.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Accountable.
It is time for real talk.
Let's cut to the chase: I have been overweight for my entire life. Every so often, I will start some sort of fitness regime and diet in order to lose those 15 pounds I am always looking to lose. Two weeks in, I'm craving buffalo wings, I'm craving spinach and artichoke dip, I'm craving all these wonderfully delicious but sinfully awful things. And I give in. I give in hard. I gain back those measly 2-5 pounds I lost and I give up. And the cycle repeats itself endlessly.
About two months ago, I read an article of a man who lost over 100 pounds. I wish I had bookmarked the link so I can share it here, but I did not. Anyway, he lost the weight by doing the usual: diet, exercise, and a complete overhaul of his lifestyle. He explained that he too would commit himself to losing weight but he would quit shortly after. He believed he was doomed to be obese for the rest of his life. He eventually came to the realization that he constantly failed because it was a private battle; he would not tell his family or friends because he was afraid of being mocked. More than anything, he was afraid of failing in front of them. And then it clicked: he would be motivated if he in fact let his family and friends know about his weight loss experiences in a very public way. Failing was no longer an option. He began blogging about his journey to lose the weight every single day. He continues losing weight to this day.
It's really a shame that I didn't save the link. On his blog, he writes extensively about his day, the amount of time he spent working out, and what exercises he did. He also writes in excruciating detail about every morsel he has had during the day. He does this in order to be accountable for every single action he takes during the course of the day, and it impacts him in the long run. He shares what he's feeling that day, whether it's him feeling great or absolutely hating having to diet or whatever. He has inspired dozens of people to do the same.
Well, I felt pretty inspired to do the same. These past 3 weeks however I have been eating poorly and not exercising at all. I am aware though that a skirt I wear to work is starting to feel slightly tighter, and that's not a good look. My mom told me I looked like a big box today. Whether I like it or not, my mom's opinion on how I look affects me even though I brush it off as her being a bitch to my friends. At least she didn't tell me today that if she looked like me she would throw herself off the Brooklyn Bridge. I can't make this shit up.
Regardless, I have wanted to lose weight for such a loooooonnngggg time. Unfortunately, my attempts are usually unsuccessful. So I'm going to put it out there: I'm going to lose weight, damn it. I think I'll start a separate blog about it, since this one is not about my trails and tribulations about the size of my ass. My first entry will be tomorrow and I'll put the link up here. I simply can't update every single day but I will strive to update four days a week.
I am more than aware it is easier said than done. I absolutely hate working out and I hate depriving myself of that occasional slice of pizza. I HATE IT. However, I hate having to buy size 8 jeans and having to suck in my stomach every time I pass by a full size mirror even more. I hate hate hate sweating and huffing and puffing. But, I hate not being able to button button-down shirts I try on that look so damn good on other people even more.
With that said, it's time to suck it up! I hope to do some kickboxing and cardio and yoga these coming weeks as well as eating correctly and avoiding eating out with my wonderful friends. (Seriously, love you guys, but we need to stop eating out!)
I hope you all read along. This is going to be possibly disastrous but with your constant checking up on my blog, I hope that gives me some extra motivation other than fitting (and looking good!) in size 4 Banana Republic skinny jeans.
And please, don't hesitate commenting, if anyone bothers reading this. If just one other person reads along, I will be incredibly content.
Let's cut to the chase: I have been overweight for my entire life. Every so often, I will start some sort of fitness regime and diet in order to lose those 15 pounds I am always looking to lose. Two weeks in, I'm craving buffalo wings, I'm craving spinach and artichoke dip, I'm craving all these wonderfully delicious but sinfully awful things. And I give in. I give in hard. I gain back those measly 2-5 pounds I lost and I give up. And the cycle repeats itself endlessly.
About two months ago, I read an article of a man who lost over 100 pounds. I wish I had bookmarked the link so I can share it here, but I did not. Anyway, he lost the weight by doing the usual: diet, exercise, and a complete overhaul of his lifestyle. He explained that he too would commit himself to losing weight but he would quit shortly after. He believed he was doomed to be obese for the rest of his life. He eventually came to the realization that he constantly failed because it was a private battle; he would not tell his family or friends because he was afraid of being mocked. More than anything, he was afraid of failing in front of them. And then it clicked: he would be motivated if he in fact let his family and friends know about his weight loss experiences in a very public way. Failing was no longer an option. He began blogging about his journey to lose the weight every single day. He continues losing weight to this day.
It's really a shame that I didn't save the link. On his blog, he writes extensively about his day, the amount of time he spent working out, and what exercises he did. He also writes in excruciating detail about every morsel he has had during the day. He does this in order to be accountable for every single action he takes during the course of the day, and it impacts him in the long run. He shares what he's feeling that day, whether it's him feeling great or absolutely hating having to diet or whatever. He has inspired dozens of people to do the same.
Well, I felt pretty inspired to do the same. These past 3 weeks however I have been eating poorly and not exercising at all. I am aware though that a skirt I wear to work is starting to feel slightly tighter, and that's not a good look. My mom told me I looked like a big box today. Whether I like it or not, my mom's opinion on how I look affects me even though I brush it off as her being a bitch to my friends. At least she didn't tell me today that if she looked like me she would throw herself off the Brooklyn Bridge. I can't make this shit up.
Regardless, I have wanted to lose weight for such a loooooonnngggg time. Unfortunately, my attempts are usually unsuccessful. So I'm going to put it out there: I'm going to lose weight, damn it. I think I'll start a separate blog about it, since this one is not about my trails and tribulations about the size of my ass. My first entry will be tomorrow and I'll put the link up here. I simply can't update every single day but I will strive to update four days a week.
I am more than aware it is easier said than done. I absolutely hate working out and I hate depriving myself of that occasional slice of pizza. I HATE IT. However, I hate having to buy size 8 jeans and having to suck in my stomach every time I pass by a full size mirror even more. I hate hate hate sweating and huffing and puffing. But, I hate not being able to button button-down shirts I try on that look so damn good on other people even more.
With that said, it's time to suck it up! I hope to do some kickboxing and cardio and yoga these coming weeks as well as eating correctly and avoiding eating out with my wonderful friends. (Seriously, love you guys, but we need to stop eating out!)
I hope you all read along. This is going to be possibly disastrous but with your constant checking up on my blog, I hope that gives me some extra motivation other than fitting (and looking good!) in size 4 Banana Republic skinny jeans.
And please, don't hesitate commenting, if anyone bothers reading this. If just one other person reads along, I will be incredibly content.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Writing.
I do not have anything remotely interesting to say in this particular post, but I felt like I should be doing some writing. You are forewarned for whatever rants I might go on about.
I'm an English and History major and writing is obviously a major component of my degree. I've discussed this several times here in one way or the other.
This summer, I have not done not one bit of productive reading or writing at all. Granted, I am on vacation but that doesn't make me feel less guilty. I think my lack of reading directly affects the quality of my writing, in terms of both diction and syntax. My grammar becomes more flexible during the warmer months. I have been saying things like "Ok'RRRRR," "Meow," and "My man, go wash your penis" on a regular basis. Not exactly the sort of vocabulary a college junior should really be using in mixed company, especially one that is a slave to the rules and regulations of the written English language.
Instead of picking up some literature worth reading, I've been reading posts on lamebook.com, Facebook status updates worthy of lamebook status, and shorthand texts. I personally never stoop so low that I spell out "u" instead of "you" in a text message, but if I don't get back to school and do some real writing, I might succumb to that. And yes, I do have a sense of superiority that I do not shorthand text and I do not feel guilty about it at all.
With that said, I'm excited for the start of Fall 2010 on the 26th. My very first class is an English class, although I can't remember if it's my Introduction to Creative Writing class or the Modernism one. Either way, I'm looking forward to it. The thought of having deadlines for papers and interpreting texts is a happy one, for now. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune when midterms start to roll around and I have 5 papers and 3 finals to study for, like last semester. I need to sharpen my vocabulary and refine my writing once again. All play and no work makes me a dull girl.
I'm an English and History major and writing is obviously a major component of my degree. I've discussed this several times here in one way or the other.
This summer, I have not done not one bit of productive reading or writing at all. Granted, I am on vacation but that doesn't make me feel less guilty. I think my lack of reading directly affects the quality of my writing, in terms of both diction and syntax. My grammar becomes more flexible during the warmer months. I have been saying things like "Ok'RRRRR," "Meow," and "My man, go wash your penis" on a regular basis. Not exactly the sort of vocabulary a college junior should really be using in mixed company, especially one that is a slave to the rules and regulations of the written English language.
Instead of picking up some literature worth reading, I've been reading posts on lamebook.com, Facebook status updates worthy of lamebook status, and shorthand texts. I personally never stoop so low that I spell out "u" instead of "you" in a text message, but if I don't get back to school and do some real writing, I might succumb to that. And yes, I do have a sense of superiority that I do not shorthand text and I do not feel guilty about it at all.
With that said, I'm excited for the start of Fall 2010 on the 26th. My very first class is an English class, although I can't remember if it's my Introduction to Creative Writing class or the Modernism one. Either way, I'm looking forward to it. The thought of having deadlines for papers and interpreting texts is a happy one, for now. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune when midterms start to roll around and I have 5 papers and 3 finals to study for, like last semester. I need to sharpen my vocabulary and refine my writing once again. All play and no work makes me a dull girl.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Give and Get is Here!
Give and Get is Here!: "Enjoy 30% off from August 26-29 at Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy and we'll donate 5% of what you spend to a non-profit."
I decided to choose Teach for America because having truly dedicated and passionate teachers can shape one's entire educational and professional future. Teachers have been incredibly important for nurturing my love in writing and literature, and my passion for learning in general. My favorite teachers and professors will always have a special place in my heart, and I hope that every student in America's public school system can feel the same way I do about my overall education experience. An education is so inherently important to one's development not just in an intellectual, getting-an-awesome-GPA way. Knowledge is power. It is something no one can take away from you, it is something you can grow from in so many different ways, ways one does not even realize. Without education and the willingness to learn, nothing fruitful can come about. For knowledge to make such a profound impact, the education system, especially in impoverished areas around the country, needs amazing teachers. Teachers who care about their students, new idealists with fresh ideas and a clean emotional slate. Teach for America allows recent college graduates to teach to kids who normally wouldn't have teachers that meet their needs. Teach for America is about reshaping how we feel about teachers and the learning experience, which is very important to me.
I'm not saying this as some BS propaganda my job is making me do. Not at all. I think this is an amazing opportunity to bring awareness to issues we often forget because it's simply not in our daily lives. Other organizations Gap Inc. is supporting is Feeding America, WWF, (Red), The Leukemia and lymphoma society, and Big Brothers and Big Sisters. I'm sure many employees are going to go for the Luekemia and lymphoma society and (Red) because they probably know someone with the diseases these non-profits are trying to combat. These are all extremely incredible organizations, but I felt Teach for America is just as special and does not get as much visibility as the others.
I know at least one other person reads my blog, so I hope they take advantage of this =] But even if you happen to be passing through my blog for some unknown reason, please feel free to use the discount. You'll save some money, get an offer normal customers usually do not have, and help an awesome cause!
I'm an employee at Gap Inc., and occasionally we have special deals we can only offer our friends and family. The link above is to receive 30% your purchase at any Old Navy, Gap, and/or Banana Republic starting August 26-29. 5% of your purchase will go to Teach for America, the non profit organization of my choice.
I decided to choose Teach for America because having truly dedicated and passionate teachers can shape one's entire educational and professional future. Teachers have been incredibly important for nurturing my love in writing and literature, and my passion for learning in general. My favorite teachers and professors will always have a special place in my heart, and I hope that every student in America's public school system can feel the same way I do about my overall education experience. An education is so inherently important to one's development not just in an intellectual, getting-an-awesome-GPA way. Knowledge is power. It is something no one can take away from you, it is something you can grow from in so many different ways, ways one does not even realize. Without education and the willingness to learn, nothing fruitful can come about. For knowledge to make such a profound impact, the education system, especially in impoverished areas around the country, needs amazing teachers. Teachers who care about their students, new idealists with fresh ideas and a clean emotional slate. Teach for America allows recent college graduates to teach to kids who normally wouldn't have teachers that meet their needs. Teach for America is about reshaping how we feel about teachers and the learning experience, which is very important to me.
I'm not saying this as some BS propaganda my job is making me do. Not at all. I think this is an amazing opportunity to bring awareness to issues we often forget because it's simply not in our daily lives. Other organizations Gap Inc. is supporting is Feeding America, WWF, (Red), The Leukemia and lymphoma society, and Big Brothers and Big Sisters. I'm sure many employees are going to go for the Luekemia and lymphoma society and (Red) because they probably know someone with the diseases these non-profits are trying to combat. These are all extremely incredible organizations, but I felt Teach for America is just as special and does not get as much visibility as the others.
I know at least one other person reads my blog, so I hope they take advantage of this =] But even if you happen to be passing through my blog for some unknown reason, please feel free to use the discount. You'll save some money, get an offer normal customers usually do not have, and help an awesome cause!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Boyfriends, take II.
In light of several conversations I have had in the past few days, I felt the need to revisit this topic again.
My cousin and I were discussing relationships on Saturday evening, next to a boy she is currently crushing on. While swigging a Corona Extra around, I proudly announced I didn't want to look for a boyfriend, that I didn't want a boyfriend, and that I didn't need a boyfriend. She had a different opinion.
"Really? I go crazy without a boyfriend."
This evening, my friends and I were discussing one of my friend's boyfriends. My friend without the boyfriend quipped: "Having a boyfriend sounds like a lot of work."
So why is it many of us desire one?
I came to the not-so-original conclusion during my fifteen minute break at work. We want to be wanted by someone we want. This is what we crave. We want someone to desire us for our physical attributes, as well as our personalities, passions, morals, and flaws. We want to have a stable source of affection. We want someone to love us completely. We want everything this person has to offer us, even if it means arguing over the most trivial situations, putting up with their foreign habits, accepting certain unchangeable differences.
Perhaps I am not actively searching for a boyfriend. However, I am not completely closed off to the idea either.
My cousin and I were discussing relationships on Saturday evening, next to a boy she is currently crushing on. While swigging a Corona Extra around, I proudly announced I didn't want to look for a boyfriend, that I didn't want a boyfriend, and that I didn't need a boyfriend. She had a different opinion.
"Really? I go crazy without a boyfriend."
This evening, my friends and I were discussing one of my friend's boyfriends. My friend without the boyfriend quipped: "Having a boyfriend sounds like a lot of work."
So why is it many of us desire one?
I came to the not-so-original conclusion during my fifteen minute break at work. We want to be wanted by someone we want. This is what we crave. We want someone to desire us for our physical attributes, as well as our personalities, passions, morals, and flaws. We want to have a stable source of affection. We want someone to love us completely. We want everything this person has to offer us, even if it means arguing over the most trivial situations, putting up with their foreign habits, accepting certain unchangeable differences.
Perhaps I am not actively searching for a boyfriend. However, I am not completely closed off to the idea either.
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