Checklist.

In a month's time, the Spring 2010 semester will be over and done with. As for me, I will resume classes for Fall 2010. I will be a college junior.

What? Didn't I just get into college? Wasn't it just the other day I walked into the wrong English 1 class and made a fool of myself? Wasn't it just the other day I was disappointed that my very first grade on a college paper was a C? Wasn't it just the other day I took my first nap on the Quad on a spectacular fall afternoon?

I have to stop and ask myself: What the hell am I doing? Yes, I am going to my classes and writing papers and reading and drinking massive amounts of coffee. Yet, I feel I am not taking full advantage of what college has to offer. I do not have a formal plan of action once I graduate. I need to take action damn it.

There a few things on my imaginary checklist that I would like to do before I graduate. I want to study abroad. I want an internship. I want to decide if I really want to go to to law school. I want to decide what other careers I would like to explore if I decide I do not want to be lawyer. Certainly, I would like to further my education, but in what other field?

This question about what I want to "do" after Spring 2012 has been bothering me for the last couple of weeks. Last year, I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. This year, I am not so sure. Is law my passion, really? As I learn about American politics and history, the more I want to move away. As I take courses for my history major, I realize the land of the free and home of the brave does not live up to the ideals we were forced to memorize in elementary school. Do I really want to defend the laws of a deeply hypocritical government based on elitist documents? I really actually do not.

This is a reason why I want to spend time abroad as an undergraduate. I want a change of pace. Not necessarily because I am sick of the US or New York or Queens (well, a little). Perhaps spending time somewhere else will help me make decisions about where my passions truly lie, if I want to "do" something that involves traveling.

I sound like the kind of person I would be infuriated with for being so... indecisive. I sound like someone who does not have a clue where their life is going, what their plans are, nothing.

This is what I do know, for now. I want to get a job for the summer to possibly save up for a study abroad program I will be applying to in Italy. I want an internship for the following semester.  I want to be in Italy for Spring 2011. I want to grab life by the horns and be happy by simply being alive.